oops. Haven't been keeping up with this too well. Let me try to catch up a little bit.
I continued to go to daily mass during those last few days before I left for Dustin's graduation. I noticed something different- that there were so many imperfections around me, but still, in God's house. The seats were torn and the wood was scratched but that's something I've never noticed beforehand. Kinda funny how that works, isn't it? Imperfections, yet still accepted. God is such a cool person.
Dustin graduated. He's going to dental school soon. He is going to be a rockstar, y'all. I don't have a doubt in my mind that he's going to be successful, that he's going to fall in love and have a happy family. Anyone who gets to marry my brother is lucky as h**k. He's phenomenal.
The graduation party went well. Who doesn't love crawfish? Only silly people who haven't been exposed to the delicacy of it all. I've noticed a lot of weird things about Minh. He's quieter, he sleeps during the day more.
We head to California, to visit our parents. Dani came. Thank goodness, I don't know what I would have done without her. We visit San Francisco and took photos. I think Mom was happy, then. Then we all head to San Diego. I don't think I've been this embarrassed in a long time. I know that Mom has her issues with us, but to show it in front of Dani, who she barely knows... I was speechless. Dani continuously asked me why she was getting angry for no reason, and I didn't have anything to say. It's just something I'm used to now... There was one day where we went hiking and we were all tired and in desperate need of a shower. We asked to go home. Mom said, and I quote, "I don't want to be with you guys anymore. I'm happier by myself anyways. Cancel your trip back out here because I don't want you to come." I was so incredibly frustrated that she made such a big deal out of nothing. She proceeded to yell at us in front of Dani who clearly had nothing to say. Mom spent the entire week getting angry for no apparent reason. On the last day I couldn't take it. I cried. I told Dad that I couldn't take it anymore. His response? "Just deal with it."
.... what? how could he say that?
He told me that he has tried to talk to her before about her anger and it gets him no where. How is he okay with this? I don't know. She instigates problems that would never have existed had she not created them. She intentionally tears people down. She hurts me because she sees I'm the most vulnerable.
And I know that you're supposed to forgive and forget; to let go and let God. But goodness I can't help be frustrated. I cry, a lot. I don't want to go back. I don't care to see her. And that is awful. But what kind of mother could look me in the eye and tell me she didn't want to have me?
On my last day in California, I got a call from Quang. He says it's serious so I stepped outside. He told me that Minh had left the house and was trying to sneak back inside. At that moment I connected the dots. How could I have been so blind to miss this? Minh was doing drugs. He got in an argument with his mom about having a sleepover at a friend's house. His grades were dropping. He wasn't eating, he wasn't sleeping, he took long showers, he was... different. I'm mad I didn't see it before. I should've noticed the signs. When I got to Dallas that next day I asked him to his face, are you doing drugs? He laughed. He couldn't stop laughing. Is this because of the drugs? Or because he was afraid to be open to me? Was he using it as a mechanism to avoid the serious conversation? Either way, I repeated myself: "Minh, are you doing drugs?" He replied "Yeah, I was on bars last night."
I cried, again. I felt awful for missing such a big thing in his life. Was it that he didn't feel loved? Was is that he simply wasn't happy? Depression and drugs don't mix well at all. I'm worried. I've been that annoying cousin that reminds him daily about the dangers of drugs and how he needs to cool it. I can't fathom the idea of something happening to him and I knew he has been doing these drugs. I've tried everything... I've tried being nice, I've tried being harsh, I've tried offering alternate solutions. All he says is "love u!!!" as if I'll be satisfied with this agreement we've got going on. Dustin talked to him. He said "Are you doing drugs?" Minh said "Yes." Dustin said "I hope the next time I ask you, your answer is different." Me too, Dustin. Me too.
My favorite thing that has happened recently tho happened this Friday. An old friend and I rekindled. We talked, a lot. We walked to Fuego with some friends. He asked me to a movie, and obviously I said yes (he's super cute, too). On the walk home, we found an house still being built. We went inside, up the stairs, onto the roof. We laid there, watching the stars, talking about life. He told me about his family and we discussed religion and our futures. It was like some scene out of a movie... star gazing and talking about everything. We joked around about going on trips together and revealed what we were like in the past. We were both so vulnerable. It was so easy to get to know one another. He was genuinely sincere.
Last night he took me on a date. We began at church. It was raining so we basically ran to the church. It was his first time in 3-4 months to go. If this doesn't work out, at least he got back into his relationship with Christ. Afterwards, he told me I had a beautiful voice, which I thought was really sweet. I asked him, "so will you be going to church every week now?" he replied "if you go with me." Good sign, amirite? We rushed to our 8:40 movie which was sold out. Thank goodness tho because I haven't seen the first few Pirates of the Carribbean so how would I understand anything that was going on? We decided to see Snatched only to see that it was an awfully made movie hahaha! On the way home he asked me if I liked hunting. I told him I thought it would be fun, not that I had ever gone. He asked me if I'd like to go with him sometime. I said yeah of course, just tell me when and I'm there. He laughed a little and said well it won't be for a while, you can't really hunt in the summer. Was he making hints for the long run? Maybe. Sometime within it all we realized he had lost his keys. I drove him home and he kissed me good night. Immediately after I had left he texted me "Pirates numero uno tomorrow?" He's a good man. I'm completely smitten. Who would've thought I would've found a nice catholic boy who likes me too? I don't want to get my hopes up but I can't help but smile when I talk about him. I couldn't even sleep last night, I was just tossing and turning.
But don't let me get too invested. I think this boy is gonna break my heart one day.
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