An update on my sweet Minh Minh.
He has changed. A lot. He will ignore people who are talking to his face. Even after he's called out on ignoring them, he will continue to ignore them. I can see he's on his phone about 24 hours a day. When I came to visit last weekend, I came early in the morning on Saturday. His room reeked of weed. I called him out on it once he woke up. He pretended as if he hadn't smoked in his room. He said "that's weird" so I told him not to be stupid. I told Dustin. Minh smoked in his room again that night. Dustin didn't know what to do but eventually took away his phone. But only for the night. If I had gotten caught smoking WEED in my ROOM when I was younger, I would've been smacked, yelled at, and been grounded for at least a month. Dustin doesn't know how to be strict. The only way he'll get better is if he sees there are repercussions for his wrong actions. It worries me that he thinks this is okay. It also worries me that Co Lan doesn't see what's going on.
That Saturday I had come, it was very early in the morning. No one was awake except us. We talked about how Kiet doesn't eat vegetables, and not only that, that he refuses to even give a reason why he won't eat them. It really frustrates me, so I've never really understood why Co Lan, a nurse, had been okay with it. She has tried with him before. She fought him with it so much that he threw up eating a carrot. Co Lan cried telling me how she doesn't know how to parent anymore. I see her struggle. I see her give up when Minh fights back on something he wants. And that's why her kids are going in directions that none of us anticipated. Minh gets away with doing drugs because she's scared to tell him no for anything. Kiet plays games all day and has no friends because Co Lan doesn't force him to go out and do things other than virtual reality. Co Lan asked me to help out more. I told her Dustin will back her up, too. I'm really worried that things are going to get much much worse.
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
Monday, July 10, 2017
courtney crews
Yesterday, Courtney said awful things to me. She has never been that mean to me before in my life. And to be honest, I do let her walk all over me but who am I to stand up for myself when she says she's depressed or sad or going through a lot... I feel like I don't have a right to be mad but I'm pretty upset. I've never been treated like this by anyone and I don't respect a friend who would think that this is okay.
Courtney's friend died recently. I didn't know him. Apparently they liked each other a while back. I never really heard about him from her other than one time when she told me that he liked her and she wasn't about it. So I was shocked to see how upset she was when he died. I know this sounds completely inconsiderate. I just didn't know they were actually good friends. I felt like I would've heard about him more if they were... I don't know. But because I didn't know, I just went with it. I believed what she said. I could see her hurting. I let her vent to me over and over about the same things. What was frustrating though was that I would provide advice or just my opinion on what she would say and she would completely disregard what I said and continue to talk about herself. That bothered me but really, what right do I have to ask for acknowledgement when she's going through this? So I let it go. I didn't really talk to her the next few days. I figured she needed her space. I could tell she was frustrated with everything I was saying and she was just running in circles saying the same thing over and over. She was in France when all of this happened so on the day she came back to America I texted her saying I couldn't wait for her to be back. She was being short with me, which I didn't really understand either. I understood that she was going through a lot but that doesn't really give you an excuse to treat anyone differently. I told her that I was going to give her space and time to heal but she proceeded to tell me more. She told me his little sister added Court on Facebook, guessing that she knew who Courtney was.
I thought, let me expand this conversation, I feel like she wants to talk about it. How did you know you were the only one? Then she got short again. Believe me when I say I was just as shocked as you are re-reading this. I was driving home from Dallas after dealing with some family stuff, trying to reply in a timely manner to all of this:
"it was a stupid thought to think thanks for the reminder"
WHAT!??!?!?! DID I SAY IT WAS STUPID???!!! i literally just asked how she knew
now apparently i am so inconsiderate, and i always think of the worst possible outcome when she's trying to have hope.
how can she make that assumption............ out of a question i asked........................ im livid just typing this blog post up
she adds in the fact that shes not the only person who thinks that was inconsiderate
so who is she talking to about our conversation? idk but i'm pretty sure she's misreading my messages
so she says "bye i dont want to talk"
which was rude
but i was like okay thats fine
i was driving anyways and didn't want to fight
so i ignored it....
which apparently was the wrong thing to do
i literally feel boys right now. when girls say something but mean the exact opposite thing...
so she texts me again!!! of course
how was i "dragging her"
i wasn't trying to give her a reality check, i wanted to expand the conversation.
i didn't know who abby was and i genuinely believe that his sister saw her post and wanted to know who courtney was.
i didn't ask how she knew courtney was special
i didnt say that
in any way shape or form
jeez im so mad i just need to get this all out
she acts like i have purposely given her a "reality check" to put her in a "terrible sense of reality"
it gets worse.
how was i inconsiderate
pardon me for hanging out in space, didn't realize i had no sense of mind. CLEARLY my mind is in another place, obviously i'm stupid and don't know anything. that's why i need to be brought back to earth am i right
ok first of all she did mis-read my text, adding in "just" absolutely does make it seem like it was a miniscule thing that led his sister to adding her on facebook.
"haha okay"
dude that's like the rudest thing you can say in the middle on an argument
and i wasn't trying to point out an alternate reality of it. once again i say, i just wanted to expand the conversation
and i'm the only friend who does that ;-) good lovely. something i dont even do but i'm being accused of
so she says she has to go. she says bye. again.
so.... i ignore it........???
five minutes later she texts me again
she says i'm unbelievable, quotes ME.....
"coming off the wrong way" and "misreading the message" are EQUIVALENT
they mean the same thing
you would misread a message if a person portrayed it the wrong way
not that i even think i portrayed anything wrong...
but she's not going to budge so here i am apologizing for something i don't believe i need to apologize for.
im frustrated that she keeps telling me she doesnt want to talk but then she does. im literally on I-35 trying not to swerve as i reply to her demanding, hurtful messages
I DID NOT DO ANY OF THESE THINGS
PRETTY SURE I STARTED CRYING HERE I WAS SO CONFUSED
i know this is a personal blog and probably no one will ever see this but lemme know if u think im psycho or if shes attacking me.
i do not want to put her in some harsh reality. which i have already acknowledged.
i do not want to "put her in her place"
that would be so mean... i don't understand
how can "she probably saw your post" which... she probably did..... and "how do you know" turn into this entire debacle?
i genuinely feel like she makes things up in her head just to have something to fight and cry about.
i'm not trying to take away her hope or happiness and im definitely not tantalizing her about anything.
AND I NEVER SAID HER POST WASNT SPECIAL. IN FACT IT WAS SO LONG AND DETAILED THAT IT MAKES SENSE THAT ABBY ADDED HER. WHY WOULD I SAY THAT IT WASNT SPECIAL
at this point i really really want to blow up but thats not fair. shes going through a lot and i cant. im not allowed to. in fact, i'm never allowed to be upset about anything. her problems always trump mine. i always have to be there for her. i stopped telling her what's going on in my life because she'll just get mad at me because she's "going through a lot." then she finds out i didn't tell her something months later and then she's mad again because i didn't tell her. there is zero ways to win with this girl. she always has to be right. i've never seen her accept defeat or even just say "ok i'm wrong." she will either fight her way to the end or pretend she's sad so you end up feeling bad so you end up apologizing. that, my friends, is my friendship with courtney crews. i am never in control and i always have to tiptoe around her feelings. it's bizarre.
this one hurt me the most.
she pulled out something i had told her months ago and used it against me. completely out of context. recently i went to a conference called MSC Abbott that talked about leadership and how we should ask our peers for constructive criticism and rather than victimizing ourselves and fighting back on everything they say, to take it with a grain of salt, come back, and ask "am I doing better?"it was a conference that affected me in more ways any sort of retreat ever had. I cried when I told courtney about my experience here. and she took it, warped it, and used it against me.
i can't even write this anymore
Courtney's friend died recently. I didn't know him. Apparently they liked each other a while back. I never really heard about him from her other than one time when she told me that he liked her and she wasn't about it. So I was shocked to see how upset she was when he died. I know this sounds completely inconsiderate. I just didn't know they were actually good friends. I felt like I would've heard about him more if they were... I don't know. But because I didn't know, I just went with it. I believed what she said. I could see her hurting. I let her vent to me over and over about the same things. What was frustrating though was that I would provide advice or just my opinion on what she would say and she would completely disregard what I said and continue to talk about herself. That bothered me but really, what right do I have to ask for acknowledgement when she's going through this? So I let it go. I didn't really talk to her the next few days. I figured she needed her space. I could tell she was frustrated with everything I was saying and she was just running in circles saying the same thing over and over. She was in France when all of this happened so on the day she came back to America I texted her saying I couldn't wait for her to be back. She was being short with me, which I didn't really understand either. I understood that she was going through a lot but that doesn't really give you an excuse to treat anyone differently. I told her that I was going to give her space and time to heal but she proceeded to tell me more. She told me his little sister added Court on Facebook, guessing that she knew who Courtney was.
I thought, let me expand this conversation, I feel like she wants to talk about it. How did you know you were the only one? Then she got short again. Believe me when I say I was just as shocked as you are re-reading this. I was driving home from Dallas after dealing with some family stuff, trying to reply in a timely manner to all of this:
"it was a stupid thought to think thanks for the reminder"
WHAT!??!?!?! DID I SAY IT WAS STUPID???!!! i literally just asked how she knew
now apparently i am so inconsiderate, and i always think of the worst possible outcome when she's trying to have hope.
how can she make that assumption............ out of a question i asked........................ im livid just typing this blog post up
she adds in the fact that shes not the only person who thinks that was inconsiderate
so who is she talking to about our conversation? idk but i'm pretty sure she's misreading my messages
so she says "bye i dont want to talk"
which was rude
but i was like okay thats fine
i was driving anyways and didn't want to fight
so i ignored it....
which apparently was the wrong thing to do
i literally feel boys right now. when girls say something but mean the exact opposite thing...
so she texts me again!!! of course
how was i "dragging her"
i wasn't trying to give her a reality check, i wanted to expand the conversation.
i didn't know who abby was and i genuinely believe that his sister saw her post and wanted to know who courtney was.
i didn't ask how she knew courtney was special
i didnt say that
in any way shape or form
jeez im so mad i just need to get this all out
she acts like i have purposely given her a "reality check" to put her in a "terrible sense of reality"
it gets worse.
how was i inconsiderate
pardon me for hanging out in space, didn't realize i had no sense of mind. CLEARLY my mind is in another place, obviously i'm stupid and don't know anything. that's why i need to be brought back to earth am i right
ok first of all she did mis-read my text, adding in "just" absolutely does make it seem like it was a miniscule thing that led his sister to adding her on facebook.
"haha okay"
dude that's like the rudest thing you can say in the middle on an argument
and i wasn't trying to point out an alternate reality of it. once again i say, i just wanted to expand the conversation
and i'm the only friend who does that ;-) good lovely. something i dont even do but i'm being accused of
so she says she has to go. she says bye. again.
so.... i ignore it........???
five minutes later she texts me again
she says i'm unbelievable, quotes ME.....
"coming off the wrong way" and "misreading the message" are EQUIVALENT
they mean the same thing
you would misread a message if a person portrayed it the wrong way
not that i even think i portrayed anything wrong...
but she's not going to budge so here i am apologizing for something i don't believe i need to apologize for.
im frustrated that she keeps telling me she doesnt want to talk but then she does. im literally on I-35 trying not to swerve as i reply to her demanding, hurtful messages
I DID NOT DO ANY OF THESE THINGS
PRETTY SURE I STARTED CRYING HERE I WAS SO CONFUSED
i know this is a personal blog and probably no one will ever see this but lemme know if u think im psycho or if shes attacking me.
i do not want to put her in some harsh reality. which i have already acknowledged.
i do not want to "put her in her place"
that would be so mean... i don't understand
how can "she probably saw your post" which... she probably did..... and "how do you know" turn into this entire debacle?
i genuinely feel like she makes things up in her head just to have something to fight and cry about.
i'm not trying to take away her hope or happiness and im definitely not tantalizing her about anything.
AND I NEVER SAID HER POST WASNT SPECIAL. IN FACT IT WAS SO LONG AND DETAILED THAT IT MAKES SENSE THAT ABBY ADDED HER. WHY WOULD I SAY THAT IT WASNT SPECIAL
at this point i really really want to blow up but thats not fair. shes going through a lot and i cant. im not allowed to. in fact, i'm never allowed to be upset about anything. her problems always trump mine. i always have to be there for her. i stopped telling her what's going on in my life because she'll just get mad at me because she's "going through a lot." then she finds out i didn't tell her something months later and then she's mad again because i didn't tell her. there is zero ways to win with this girl. she always has to be right. i've never seen her accept defeat or even just say "ok i'm wrong." she will either fight her way to the end or pretend she's sad so you end up feeling bad so you end up apologizing. that, my friends, is my friendship with courtney crews. i am never in control and i always have to tiptoe around her feelings. it's bizarre.
this one hurt me the most.
she pulled out something i had told her months ago and used it against me. completely out of context. recently i went to a conference called MSC Abbott that talked about leadership and how we should ask our peers for constructive criticism and rather than victimizing ourselves and fighting back on everything they say, to take it with a grain of salt, come back, and ask "am I doing better?"it was a conference that affected me in more ways any sort of retreat ever had. I cried when I told courtney about my experience here. and she took it, warped it, and used it against me.
i can't even write this anymore
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